Top 10 ideas the city council has for balancing the budget E-mail

1. They’re going to borrow half the pension fund to pay for next year’s snow removal.

2. Local P.D. to be merged with EMS, Fire, Parks, and DPW. Hopefully someone with overdue books committing a crime on trash day will have a heart attack and you can score the elusive “trifecta!”

3. “Let’s just forget about that last contract, OK? I don’t know what we were thinking giving you guys a cost of living increase.”

4. Cities ignoring the advice of Muncie, Indiana and begging for an opportunity to participate in “Armed and Famous II” featuring Dog the Bounty Hunter, Joe Arpaio and the guy that played Big Pussy on the Sopranos.

5. Instead of the communications upgrade for your agency, the city has decided to buy every cop five minutes a month on his or her cell phone.

6. New policy – gas can only be used while responding to calls. If you’re on patrol, find a hill, coast and hope the bad guys can’t afford fuel either.

7. Taser purchase put on hold. Report to the duty sergeant to pick up palm-held joy buzzers.

8. The new health plan is from a provider called Wal-Mart.

9. Thursday is ‘Bring Your Own Toilet Paper Day.’

10. They’re not sure about anything specific. But they do know the money is coming out of your pocket.

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