1. The defendant has the same last name as the Mayor.

2. Under cross-examination, your partner says the reason for the stop was “boredom.”

3. State’s Exhibit A is a blown-up photo of your arm on which you scribbled the police report in green magic marker.

4. Two words – 9th Circuit.

5. Cruiser cam audio records your special version of the Miranda warning: “You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, you’re shit out of luck because the public defender is a moron.”

6. “At that point, your honor, I could not find my gun, badge or pants.”

7. Local courts have only enough money to prosecute five cases a year.

8. “The K-9 ate my incident summary, your honor.”

9. The charge? “Failure to not be a smart-ass.”

10. D.A. graduated from Sierra Nevada Online Community College School of Law.

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