1. The defendant has the same last name as the Mayor.
2. Under cross-examination, your partner says the reason for the stop was “boredom.”
3. State’s Exhibit A is a blown-up photo of your arm on which you scribbled the police report in green magic marker.
4. Two words – 9th Circuit.
5. Cruiser cam audio records your special version of the Miranda warning: “You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, you’re shit out of luck because the public defender is a moron.”
6. “At that point, your honor, I could not find my gun, badge or pants.”
7. Local courts have only enough money to prosecute five cases a year.
8. “The K-9 ate my incident summary, your honor.”
9. The charge? “Failure to not be a smart-ass.”
10. D.A. graduated from Sierra Nevada Online Community College School of Law.