Top Ten
Top 10 stupid things legislators are working on E-mail

1. Repealing the foie gras ban in Chicago, much to the chagrin of the goose-rights crowd.

2. Banning “Truck Nutz” in Florida.

3. Spending tens of thousands of dollars to secure “executive bathrooms.”

4. Cutting law enforcement jobs and spending as crime is going up.

5. Making it harder for people to vote.

6. Outlawing baggy pants.

7. Arlen Specter’s NFL spygate obsession.

8. Arguing that they’re too poor to pay child support. (former New Jersey Governor only)

9. Trying to mandate the use of “pistol cams.”

10. Playing footsie in the men’s room at the airport.

 
Top 10 signs the case is getting thrown out E-mail

1. The defendant has the same last name as the Mayor.

2. Under cross-examination, your partner says the reason for the stop was “boredom.”

3. State’s Exhibit A is a blown-up photo of your arm on which you scribbled the police report in green magic marker.

4. Two words – 9th Circuit.

5. Cruiser cam audio records your special version of the Miranda warning: “You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, you’re shit out of luck because the public defender is a moron.”

6. “At that point, your honor, I could not find my gun, badge or pants.”

7. Local courts have only enough money to prosecute five cases a year.

8. “The K-9 ate my incident summary, your honor.”

9. The charge? “Failure to not be a smart-ass.”

10. D.A. graduated from Sierra Nevada Online Community College School of Law.

 
Top 10 reasons to worry about your pension E-mail

1. Most of the money is invested in the home mortgage market.

2. The head of the fund is addicted to poker and has a second home in Las Vegas.

3.Your city is facing a budget shortfall bigger than the GNP of France.

4. The council has offered to replace your pension benefits with free lottery tickets.

5. The last time your police association got a detailed account of the fund was during the Carter administration.

6. They’re talking about investing heavily in a chain of theme restaurants launched by Britney Spears.

7. Some company in Dubai just took it over.

8. Public sector workers are the only people in your town that have a pension.

9. The world could end tomorrow and you’d never get what’s coming to you.

10. The whole $322 million fund is kept in cash in a Brooklyn basement.

 
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