Top Ten
Top Ten Ways to Tell the Rookie's Not Cut Out For The Job E-mail

1. He keeps asking when he gets to meet Sipowicz.
2. Files a complaint after he’s forced to remove the CD-changer and 18 inch woofers he installed in the cruiser.
3. She got confused when assigned to a stake-out and ordered out for steaks.
4. Keeps asking when he gets to shoot somebody.
5. Says take-out food makes her sleepy.
6. He keeps telling you not to worry, times have changed, that thing where you sent him away on possesion with intent was so long ago that he’s not even that mad anymore.
7. Pesters everyone daily about showing up on their own time for pre-tour prayer/breakfast.
8. Always saying he doesn’t discriminate and that he tries to hate everyone, no matter what their color.
9. 5’4"- 324lbs.
10. Sings Miranda warning to suspects to the tune of "Oops – I did it again."

Top Ten Rejected SWAT Team T-shirts E-mail

1. "Ready to rumble."
2. "Be afraid . . . be very afraid."
3. "I got yer can'a whoop-ass right here."
4. "You call, we kill."
5. "Death-o-gram."
6. "I completed a special sniper-training course in Austria and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
7. "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
8. "If it bleeds, we can kill it."
9. "The Legion of Doom."
10. "I came to bring the pain.

Top Ten Ways Not To Start Your Report E-mail

1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
2. The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent...
3. The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire...
4. Before I get into the details, I’ve got a few "shout-outs" for my homeys in the command staff...
5. It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I’d lose my mind...
6. Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end...
7. Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly...
8. Let me just start by stressing the fact that at no point was I without my badge and gun, and the nudity was critical to establish a certain level of trust with the prostitutes...
9. The suspect then tried to assault me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist.
10. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away

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