Top Ten
Top Ten Signs The Boss Is Over The Hill E-mail
1. He's always telling officers to watch out for Apaches.
2. Still bummed out about that whole Black Sox thing.
3. Sometimes gets confused at roll call and tries to thank the academy for his award.
4. Favorite drink? Mead.
5. Always going on about the time he got demoted for arresting a band of cattle rustlers without smoke-signaling for back-up.
6. Tries to pay for coffee with doubloons.
7. Sometimes wears underwear on the outside of his uniform.
8. Can never remember how many times he's seen Haley's comet.
9. The Museum of Natural History makes him homesick.
10. Grade school classmate of Dick Clark.
 
Top Ten Ways to Tell You Have Anger Management Issues E-mail

1. You have no citizen complaints in your file because they all died during the struggle.
2. It takes you twice as many drinks as shift-hours worked to unwind when the tour's over.
3. Everyone calls you "Hurricane Eddie."
4. You’ve been on the job two years and you’re on your eighth cruiser.
5. Your family sleeps in a treehouse in the backyard.
6. For some reason you are reading lots of books dealing with the construction of letter-bombs.
7. Crime rates in your patrol area mysteriously drop to zero during your working hours, while the baddest bad guys hide and whimper in their apartments.
8. You’re known as, "the guy who got into a fistfight with a Rottweiler and a pit bull."
9. Instead of counting to 10 when you get really mad, you have to count to 220,000.
10. Your evaluations suck, but somehow you're the only one the boss hasn't verbally assaulted over job performance.

 
Top Ten Ways to Tell You're Spending Too Much Time On-Line E-mail

1. You call your kids "What’s his face and the other one."
2. You’re skipping car payments to cover bills from AOL.
3. You’ve been to every web site on earth, twice.
4. You created a home page for your favorite shirt.
5. You get personal "Thank You" notes from Bill Gates.
6. You’ve got 54 hot and heavy romances going at once in chat rooms at federal prisons.
7. You have a Kevlar mouse pad.
8. Your modem melted.
9. When the guys ask you if you to "come out for a beer" you have no idea what they’re talking about.
10. You don't even look at TV anymore

 
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