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1. You have no citizen complaints in your file because they all died during the struggle.
2. It takes you twice as many drinks as shift-hours worked to unwind when the tour's over.
3. Everyone calls you "Hurricane Eddie."
4. You’ve been on the job two years and you’re on your eighth cruiser.
5. Your family sleeps in a treehouse in the backyard.
6. For some reason you are reading lots of books dealing with the construction of letter-bombs.
7. Crime rates in your patrol area mysteriously drop to zero during your working hours, while the baddest bad guys hide and whimper in their apartments.
8. You’re known as, "the guy who got into a fistfight with a Rottweiler and a pit bull."
9. Instead of counting to 10 when you get really mad, you have to count to 220,000.
10. Your evaluations suck, but somehow you're the only one the boss hasn't verbally assaulted over job performance. |
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1. You call your kids "What’s his face and the other one."
2. You’re skipping car payments to cover bills from AOL.
3. You’ve been to every web site on earth, twice.
4. You created a home page for your favorite shirt.
5. You get personal "Thank You" notes from Bill Gates.
6. You’ve got 54 hot and heavy romances going at once in chat rooms at federal prisons.
7. You have a Kevlar mouse pad.
8. Your modem melted.
9. When the guys ask you if you to "come out for a beer" you have no idea what they’re talking about.
10. You don't even look at TV anymore |
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1. He keeps asking when he gets to meet Sipowicz.
2. Files a complaint after he’s forced to remove the CD-changer and 18 inch woofers he installed in the cruiser.
3. She got confused when assigned to a stake-out and ordered out for steaks.
4. Keeps asking when he gets to shoot somebody.
5. Says take-out food makes her sleepy.
6. He keeps telling you not to worry, times have changed, that thing where you sent him away on possesion with intent was so long ago that he’s not even that mad anymore.
7. Pesters everyone daily about showing up on their own time for pre-tour prayer/breakfast.
8. Always saying he doesn’t discriminate and that he tries to hate everyone, no matter what their color.
9. 5’4"- 324lbs.
10. Sings Miranda warning to suspects to the tune of "Oops – I did it again." |
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Page 7 of 8 |
