Top Ten
Top ten signs kids are out of control E-mail

1.Your agency just ordered 1,200 sets of “mini-cuffs.”

2.You grounded junior, and he cut the power lines to the house.

3.You just watched your neighbor’s daughter beat the crap out of the mailman on Youtube.

4.You asked your kid where he got the money for the drugs and he told you he cashed the check he got from the city during the gun buy-back.

5.There was a shooting at the Nickelodeon Awards.

6.You tried to give a friend’s kid a “time out” and he just served you with a restraining order.

7.Instead of the “birds and the bees” talk, you tell your kids about the dangers of mixing pills and booze.

8.Your bumper sticker says, “My kid’s on the honor roll at Riker’s Island.”

9.You’re sleeping in your body armor because you took the Playstation away.

10. When you see a group of pre-teen girls, you cross the street and hope for the best.

 

 

 
Top ten signs you weren't cut out for police work E-mail

1.You're a Pagan/Lesbian activist with felony busts in three states.

2.Two words - hyperactive bladder.

3.You think most criminals, "are just misunderstood."

4.The last time you exercised was during Reagan's second term.

5.You get carsick.

6.Your psychological profile contains the phrase, "Prone to explosive bouts of rage triggered by mild stress."

7.You failed out of mercenary college and law enforcement's your fallback.

8.The words "Born to Kill" are tattooed on your forehead.

9.You want to be rich someday.

10. You're a washed up celebrity on a reality show called "Armed and Famous."

 
Top Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery E-mail

1. The watchamacallit is making that noise again.
2. I guess we should have checked to make sure the donor organ arrived before we started the transplant.
3. Scapel. No not that one, I need the curvy one.
4. Hey doc, isn't this the guy that arrested your wife?
5. What the hell did I do with that spleen?
6. I wouldn't worry about it Dr. Harris. People are like cars...lots of exrtra parts.
7. Well what if he does find out we left the clamp in?
8. The back-up generators should kick in any minute now.
9. More tequilla shooters, stat!
10. The shin bones connected to the leg bone, but what is the leg bone connected to? I knew I should have memorized that song.

 
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