Top Ten
Top ten signs a recession is coming E-mail

1. Everyone's talking about their paycheck, not just cops.

2. Oil is $100 a barrel.

3. States crack down on illegal labor and Microsoft moves manufacturing to Canada and Mexico.

4. You're seriously considering cashing in the 401K and hiding the loot in the mattress.

5.Smart people are hoarding canned goods.

6. The White House says the economy is just fine and dandy.

7. Two words: "sub-prime mortgage."

8. Our two strongest exports are mercenaries and MTV.

9. We blew social security in the war on terror.

10. You can just kind of feel it.

 
Top ten signs you need a raise E-mail

1. You did the math and realized it will take 20,000 hours of overtime to pay for one year of college for one of your kids.

2. You're seriously considering taking a position with a security firm that will pay you 20 percent more than you make now to work in Kazakhstan.

3. The last time you could afford to take your wife out for dinner and a movie, E.T. was playing in theaters.

4. You're actively pushing for a take-home car program because your Gremlin was repossessed.

5. Your body armor allowance is eighty-five whole dollars.

6. You live in St. Paul, and you're taking the family on a two-day vacation to Minneapolis.

7. You were alarmed to find out there's no such thing as a fourth mortgage.

8. The under-paid public servant routine is wearing thin on your wife's wealthy father.

9. Your oldest just graduated from college and you immediately hit her up for a loan.

10. You're a rookie with the NYPD.

 
Top Ten signs the suspect is not a serious terrorist E-mail

1. He’s declared a jihad on illegal aliens from the planet Voltar.

2. His “dirty-bomb” was actually just a plastic bag with a used diaper encased in leftover Indian food.

3. He brought footage of his terror-cell’s training exercises to a Circuit City in New Jersey to get it converted to DVD.

4. She’s wearing a T-shirt that says, “Evil-Doer.”

5. He has indicated that there’s a bomb placed somewhere in the city and he will detonate if his pizza does not arrive in 20 minutes.

6. She was kicked out of the Earth Liberation Front for owning a Hummer.

7. Bomb-threat called into school on finals day by dumbest kid in the class.

8. His plan is to strap missiles to Penguins and set them loose in South Dakota.

9. He says he wants the head of the American infidel called Batman.

10. All of her training came out of the book, “An Idiot’s Guide to Holy War.”

 

 

 
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