1. The defendant has the same last name as the Mayor.

2. Under cross-examination, your partner says the reason for the stop was “boredom.”

3. State’s Exhibit A is a blown-up photo of your arm on which you scribbled the police report in green magic marker.

4. Two words – 9th Circuit.

5. Cruiser cam audio records your special version of the Miranda warning: “You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, you’re shit out of luck because the public defender is a moron.”

6. “At that point, your honor, I could not find my gun, badge or pants.”

7. Local courts have only enough money to prosecute five cases a year.

8. “The K-9 ate my incident summary, your honor.”

9. The charge? “Failure to not be a smart-ass.”

10. D.A. graduated from Sierra Nevada Online Community College School of Law.

1. Most of the money is invested in the home mortgage market.

2. The head of the fund is addicted to poker and has a second home in Las Vegas.

3.Your city is facing a budget shortfall bigger than the GNP of France.

4. The council has offered to replace your pension benefits with free lottery tickets.

5. The last time your police association got a detailed account of the fund was during the Carter administration.

6. They’re talking about investing heavily in a chain of theme restaurants launched by Britney Spears.

7. Some company in Dubai just took it over.

8. Public sector workers are the only people in your town that have a pension.

9. The world could end tomorrow and you’d never get what’s coming to you.

10. The whole $322 million fund is kept in cash in a Brooklyn basement.