American Police Beat, February 2008 

Boobs

A female recruit in the German army is appealing her dismissal after she was kicked out of army training for having breast implants. Alessija Dorfmann, 23, who has a D cup after the operation, said, “I am devastated – it has always been my dream to be a soldier and have a great figure – and now my fake boobs have cost me my job. I could not stop crying when they told me. I wanted to work as an army medic and help save lives.” Military chiefs have pledged to review the situation. Army spokesman Harald Kammerbauer said, “The rule that was brought in because of the increased risk of an injury is under review. It was introduced more than a decade ago and it may be that it is no longer relevant in the modern army. In future we may be prepared to make exceptions.”

Karaoke

In Roxbury, Connecticut, a school custodian’s after-hours karaoke performance prompted a police response when a teacher thought she was being threatened over the loudspeaker. State police say the teacher barricaded herself inside a classroom. She was working after hours and thought no one else was in the building. Then she heard someone say over the loudspeaker that she was going to die. Six troopers and three police dogs showed up and found three teenagers, one of them a custodian at the school, who had been playing with the public address system. Police say one of them sang, “Welcome to the Jungle” into the microphone. The song contains the lyrics “You’re in the jungle baby, you’re gonna die.”

Digger

In Fullerton, California, police said they arrested a man who acknowledged digging holes on a park bike trail as payback for nearly being run down by a cyclist. Warren John Wilson, 52, faces a single felony count of vandalism, Fullerton Police Sgt. Linda King said. King said nearly 50 holes measuring about one foot by two feet have been found since last June along a trail at Laguna Lake Park. In some cases attempts had been made to hide them from cyclists. She said some riders went over their handlebars after hitting the holes. Detectives watching the trails questioned Wilson, who said he had nearly been run over by a mountain bike.

Painted

In Honolulu, a 51-year-old man was in police custody after allegedly spray-painting a police officer who tried to arrest him for spray-painting a roadway. Police said the Ewa Beach man was spotted at night spray painting the road in front of the Ala Moana Shopping Center. He refused to stop when ordered to by a female officer. He then allegedly sprayed the officer with gold paint when she tried to arrest him. Police said the man grabbed the officer’s leg, giving her several bruises. He was eventually subdued with pepper spray.

GPS

In Bedford Hills, New York, a driver recently found out the hard way that a Global Positioning System cannot tell a driver when a train is coming. A computer consultant driving a rental car drove onto train tracks using the instructions his GPS unit gave him. A train was barreling toward him, but he escaped in time and no one was injured. The driver had turned right, as the system advised, and the car somehow got stuck on the tracks at the crossing. He jumped out and tried to warn the engineer by waving, but it was too late. He got out of the way just before the train slammed into the car at 60 mph. The car was pushed more than 100 feet during the fiery crash.

Tough gig

In New Delhi, officials want to train unemployed youths to sterilize monkeys in a drive to check the population of simians blamed for large-scale crop destruction and some assaults. The youngsters will be trained to capture and sterilize thousands of monkeys in the Himalayan State of Himachal Pradesh, its government said in a statement. The sterilization drive would take place on a “war footing” to provide relief to farmers, some of whom have abandoned their land after the animals descended on farms and ate everything in sight, the government said.

Oldies

In Coeur D’alene, Idaho, some older residents are protesting plans to open a funeral home across the street from a senior center, saying it would be a little too close for comfort and may stress elderly people out about the inevitability of death. About 100 people have signed a petition calling on the City Council to deny a special use permit giving them the right to lease the building across the street from the Lake City Senior Center as a funeral home, senior center manager Vickie Harrison said. Some, like 81-year-old Doy Seng, had a practical view of the proposed funeral home. “We’re old here. We’re all ready to go,” she said. “I think it will be handy.”

Threats

A Des Moines man called police several times to complain about relatives who were staying at his house. But in the end it was he himself who finally went to jail. Police said William Foster, 64, was arrested on charges of simple assault on a police officer and false reports to law enforcement authorities. Officers responded to a report of a dispute at Foster’s residence at about 7 PM. Officers said Foster’s common-law wife was in the hospital and her family members had been visiting from Tennessee. In a report officers said, “We stepped inside to speak with the female parties involved. All parties were extremely agitated and continued to argue loudly despite our repeated attempts to calm them. In our presence, Foster threatened to kill one of the ladies.”

Thrown

In Mesa, Arizona, a man who took one of his pet buffaloes for a ride at a ranch north of Phoenix on New Year’s Eve ended up being bucked off the animal and trampled. Oh yeah, the guy is 75. The unidentified 75-year-old man was flown to a Scottsdale hospital with non-life-threatening injuries after the incident in rural Cave Creek. “He saddled up, got bucked off and was mauled,” said John Kraetz, a district chief for the fire department.