Broken

A Texas woman with a badly broken leg spent 19 hours in an emergency room waiting for someone to see her. Despite the fact that no doctor ever looked at her leg, she was sent a bill for $162. Amber Milbrodt was told she owes the money because a nurse checked her vital signs, something that took less than 30 seconds. A spokesman for the Parkland Memorial Hospital said the bill is not for time spent waiting, only for the assessment she received.

Nudity

In a Michigan school, a 14-year-old girl used her cell phone to send a naked picture of herself to about 200 of her closest friends. When the caper was discovered, the Sheriff came down hard on the kids, saying that possessing the photo violates child pornography laws, and that he would file criminal charges against any student who allegedly received and looked at the photo. The students were ordered to turn in their cell phones or face prosecution. Phones containing the image, the sheriff said, will be confiscated and not returned to their owners.

What?

In Switzerland, the parliament passed a law last month that gives all vegetation some of the same rights as human beings. For instance, it is now a crime to “decapitate wildflowers at the side of the road without rational reason.”

Failure

Iran’s effort to build the world’s largest sandwich collapsed last month after the crowd of onlookers began eating it. A thousand volunteers worked for a day to build the mile-long sandwich, filled with yummy ostrich meat, in a park in Tehran. But before officials from the Guinness Book of World Records could show up, a hungry mob attacked the sandwich and devoured it within minutes.

Sandbagged

Police in Jamaica are investigating the theft of an entire beach. The 1,300 foot stretch of white sand was supposed to be the focal point of a new $100 million dollar resort, but those plans are now on hold until the missing sand, estimated at 500 truckloads, can be found.

Sleepy

A man in Canada is claiming that he should not pay child support because he was sleeping when he and his ex-girlfriend conceived the baby. The man told a court that he was visiting the woman when he woke up in the middle of the night to discover the woman having sex with him without his consent. He told the judge he demanded that she “cease and desist” but nine months later she gave birth. The man claims the whole affair has caused him serious mental distress and is demanding compensation  for his suffering.

The future?

A recent survey of 25,000 American high school students conducted by the New York Times found that 90 percent of students admitted to copying test answers, using crib notes, or cheating in some other way. The number of kids cheating in school appears to be triple what it was in 1963.

Cactus

Law enforcement officials in Arizona say that thefts of Saguaro cactuses have become so prevalent that they have embedded microchips in the plants, which can fetch up to $1000 on the black market. Police can use their GPS devices to track the plants that have the chips. The problem is particularly bad at the Saguaro National Park in Arizona.

Greed

AIG, the global insurance company that US taxpayers just bailed out for $85 billion, showed their thanks by going on a weeklong retreat at one of California’s  most exclusive spas. The bill was almost $500,000 for luxury rooms, spa treatments, banquets and massages. Obviously undeterred from the outcry about spending our money this way, two weeks later another group of AIG execs booked an exclusive castle in Scotland for a weekend of partridge shooting and other “activities.”

Nice!

Residents in Marino, Italy were thrilled to get up one morning to discover a very good white wine flowing from their faucets. “It’s a miracle,” they cried. It turns out the wine was supposed to flow from a fountain in the town square for the annual grape festival, but a plumber diverted the wine into the homes by mistake.

Woof

A church in Massachusetts is encouraging the parishioners to bring their dogs to Sunday morning services. Rev. Rachel Bickford says the “woof n’ worship” services will include the prayer, “Dear God, please make me the person my dog thinks I am.” The Reverend does not care if there’s poop in the pews. “Dogs bring such hope in the world where we’re surrounded by such hopelessness,” she said.

Del weedo

A Colorado couple found an unusual topping on their order of tacos: their fast-food Mexican takeout came with a small bag of marijuana. The couple discovered the drugs with their order from a Del Taco restaurant and called police, said Lakewood police spokesman Steve Davis. Twenty-six-year-old Dennis Klermund, who police say waited on the husband when he picked up food, now faces charges.

No takers

A contest that would pay $10,000 to an engaged couple, as long as they abstain from premarital sex, has not received a single applicant. The deadline for the Marriage for a Lifetime contest was last October 31 and at this point the whole thing looks like a disaster. The prizes would have included free flowers, invitations and other wedding treats. But organizer Phillippia Faust hasn’t gotten any interest. She said, “In our society it’s going to be hard to find” a couple that hasn’t had premarital sex. Bugged out A Malaysian man has been accused of trying to hurt his neighbor with a dangerous weapon — centipedes. R. Prabakaran has been charged with attempting to cause harm with a dangerous weapon after allegedly unleashing four centipedes and other insects in his neighbor’s bed following an argument that the two men had.

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