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Thread: a smart woman
09-02-11, 03:05 PM #1
a smart womanHow do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me ..."
"A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
brought my rifle."
(just stole this one hope you don't mind)
09-02-11, 03:33 PM #2
OK, now you got me started....Why are a woman's feet so small?
So she can stand closer to the stove.For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.
09-02-11, 04:11 PM #3SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM-Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"
"It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
-General Omar Bradley, United States Army
09-02-11, 05:38 PM #4
A man gets home from work and sits down in front of the TV.
He yells to his wife, "Bring me a beer before it starts!"
He downs it quickly and yells again, "Bring me another beer before it starts!"
He downs the second one quickly and yells a third time, "Bring me another beer before it starts!"
She brings him his 3rd beer and nags, "What are you going to do, drink beer and watch TV all night?"
And that was when the fight started.Verified Libra- There sure are a lot of people born in August around here.
Sometimes you get the bear, sometimes he gets you.
09-02-11, 05:39 PM #5
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?
Who cares, she can cook in the dark.
09-02-11, 05:51 PM #6
Why did the feminist cross the road?
Who cares? What's she doing out of the kitchen.For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.
09-02-11, 06:44 PM #7
All y'all might as well lay down and start stinkin' if you're wives/girlfriends see this cause you're gonna be murdered
It is pretty funny though.*************************"It wouldn't take much for me to up and run...to another life somewhere in the sun."*************************"There's something inherently wrong with having to put on a bullet-proof vest and a gun to go to work."-(An old friend)
Any statements or opinions given in my postings or profile do not reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employer or anyone else other than me. They are my personal opinions or statements only, thereby releasing my employer , any other entity, or any other person of any liability or involvement in anything posted under the username "Cidp24" on O/R.
09-02-11, 06:53 PM #8
09-02-11, 06:54 PM #9
Why do women get their periods?
Because they deserve them!For the morning will come. Brightly will it shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn.
09-02-11, 06:57 PM #10
09-03-11, 07:26 AM #11
My step father had this little gem taped to his dresser mirror.
A married man was always complaining that his wife could never do anything right. In a desperate measure to appease her husband the dutiful wife prepared him breakfast which would be eggs. She measured all the right ingredients, had the stove fire just right, and produced too perfectly cooked eggs. The wife, so very proud of her self, presented the eggs to her husband at the table convinced he could have no complaint. The husband looks at the plate, looks at his wife, shakes his head and promptly states "I can't believe you screwed up again." The wife quickly shoots back her disbelief and asks what could possible be wrong with her perfectly cooked eggs. The husband states he can't believe the wife can't see the obvious.
"You cooked the wrong egg first."
My mother's reply after reading that......
"You're step father is an asshole." (and I quote)Do not war for peace. If you must war, war for justice. For without justice there is no peace. -me
We are who we choose to be.
R.I.P. Arielle. 08/20/2010-09/16/2012
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