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Thread: Craig's List Post
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07-30-09, 10:59 PM #1
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Craig's List Post
(ACTUAL POSTING FROM CRAIG'S LIST)
To the woman that crapped in my car...(NE Portland)
We met on Craig's List so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it
could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been
on, but I am willing to look past that.
I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun
Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a
connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to
further conversation with you.
At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened
to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad.
The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said "First
dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive.
I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it
was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I
am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I
don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling".
I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am
impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad
bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...
What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more
than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber
and less taxing on the digestive tract.
I await your call, Tad
P.S. - If you pooped yourself on purpose to end the evening early...Touché...
Meanwhile, fishing in Russia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkzV5AIK8iM
"When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves in the course of time a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that justifies it." -- Frederic Bastiat
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." Ernest Hemingway
The opinions given in my signatures & threads DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "Five-0" on Officerresource.com
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07-31-09, 02:08 AM #2
Damnit, I'm hungry again.
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'Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly
promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which
holds forth the proposition that it is entirely
possible to pick up a turd by the clean end!'
“A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.” Sigmund Freud
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07-31-09, 06:54 AM #3
sheep
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I hope they get together and have a reality show!
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07-31-09, 08:37 AM #4
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07-31-09, 09:06 AM #5
Reed and Malloy were my FTOs
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That crap is funny.
She left a stain on his heart and his car seat.SI VIS PACEM PARA BELLUM-Ex-Sheriff Martin Howe to Will Kane in "High Noon"
"It's a great life. You risk your skin catching killers and the juries turn them loose so they can come back and shoot at you again. If your honest , your poor your whole life. And , In the end , you wind up dying all alone on some dirty street. For what? For nothing. For a tin star."
Far from being a handicap to command, compassion is the measure of it. For unless one values the lives of his soldiers and is tormented by their ordeals , he is unfit to command.
-General Omar Bradley, United States Army
Renniger-Richards-Griswold-Owens
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07-31-09, 11:44 AM #6
I Void Warranties
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Holy shit!
That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.
If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.
I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones
Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman
I'd be a better people person if I was around better people.
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07-31-09, 11:44 AM #7
sheep
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This is where the problem started...
Originally Posted by Five-0
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07-31-09, 11:48 AM #8
I Void Warranties
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That which does not kill me, better start fucking running.
If I lived every day like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.
I intend to go in harm's way. -John Paul Jones
Hunt the wolf, and bring light to the dark places that others fear to go. LT COL Dave Grossman
I'd be a better people person if I was around better people.
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07-31-09, 01:38 PM #9
BDRT - Baby Daddy Removal Team
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Dear Heartbroken,
Just remember that no matter how beautiful you think she is, there is someone, somewhere who is tired of putting up with her shit.
Signed, Wisdom.
"The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money."
- Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America
Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind,
That from the nunnery
Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
To war and arms I fly. - Lovelace
The opinions expressed by this poster are wholly his own, and should never be construed to even remotely be in representation of his employer, its agencies or assigns. In fact, they probably fail to be in alignment with the opinions of any rational human being.
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07-31-09, 03:23 PM #10
Ret. Sac. P.D. - 270th M.P. Co., Now with D.H.S.
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Originally Posted by Xiphos
No, Smelly Shit.
Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer. --Al Bundy
http://www.armsmaster.net-a.googlepages.com
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07-31-09, 07:23 PM #11
Just Us
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"If anything worthwhile comes of this tragedy, it should be the realization by every citizen that often the only thing that stands between them and losing everything they hold dear... is the man wearing a badge." -- Ronald Reagan, in the wake of the deaths of 4 CHP troopers in the Newhall Incident, 1970
The opinions given in my posts DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, and/or procedures of my employing agency. They are my personal opinions only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the username "121Traffic" on O/R.
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