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  #1  
Old 01-24-07, 07:26 PM
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New Drugs For Women

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

BUYAGRA

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.


JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth
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  #2  
Old 01-25-07, 01:43 AM
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I'll take a bottle of flipitor and a couple of jackasspirin. And a case of Damnitol!
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Old 01-25-07, 08:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by njpd View Post
NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
Does it have to be used exclusively on elevators?
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A Smile

A smile cost nothing, but gives so much.

It enriches those who receive it,
without making poorer those who give.
It takes but a moment, but the memory
of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty that he
can get along without it,
and none is so poor but that
he can be made rich by it.

A smile creates happiness in the home,
fosters goodwill in business,
and is the countersign of friendship.

It brings rest to the weary,
cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
and it is nature's best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed,
or stolen, for it is something that is of no
value to anyone until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile
so much as he who has no more to give.

- author unknown
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