Dumbest Thing Someone has Said to You - American Police Beat Forums powered by OfficerResource

**Five-0** · #1 04-18-10, 10:45 AM

I was reading over a thread on a car message board I frequent, and it is talking about the dumbest thing users there have said to a cop. Usually during traffic contacts and the like. Take a look at what I'm talking about:
Dumbest thing you've said to a cop... - LS1TECH

Having seen this, what are some of the dumbest things people have said to you on the job?

**cajunguy** · #2 04-18-10, 11:12 AM

Not to me, personally, but I heard there was this young, plainclothes cop on a truck stop parking lot who was told, "She ain't no ho. She's ma girlfriend!"

(Least that's the way I heard it.)

.

**keith720** · #3 04-18-10, 04:03 PM

I was searching a guy and found a bag of dope taped to his scrotum. He said, "It aint mine! I been set up.Some one put that there." I expressed my disbelief of his statement by telling him that I could name every person who ever taped something to my scrotum!

**ChesCopPodz** · #4 04-18-10, 08:21 PM

After finding crack in a front pants pocket "That ain't my pocket." "These are your pants right?" "Yeah, but that ain't my pocket, THAT one's MY pocket"

**Ace** · #5 04-18-10, 09:29 PM

After finding a rather large bag of weed on a guy, he told me that it was legal as long as it was not in an open container.

**pac201** · #6 04-18-10, 09:39 PM

"I got a rock in my shoe"...

and he did, and 8 ball of crack cocaine...

**Xiphos** · #7 04-18-10, 10:50 PM

I was on the first floor of court with some other officers and a few lawyers standing around. A woman with a traffic ticket came up to me. She was trying to find her way to the second floor where traffic court is but that's not what she asked.

"Where's the second floor?"

I pointed at the ceiling and said, "Up there."

"Ok, how do I get there?"

I pointed at the stairs, "The stairs."

She walked off and we all started roaring with laughter. One of the defense attorneys who was laughing said, "Man, no wonder people thinks you guys are dicks!"

**Jks9199** · #8 04-18-10, 10:57 PM

I used to know a guy who pulled someone over one day... (He may even be a member here.) The proceeds to say "Do you know Officer So & So? 'Cause he's my buddy, and he ain't gonna like you giving me a ticket." The officer said "I sure do; he's a jerk!"

Might have helped had the moron read the nameplate... and not dropped the officer's own name!

**Five-0** · #9 04-18-10, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jks9199

I used to know a guy who pulled someone over one day... (He may even be a member here.) The proceeds to say "Do you know Officer So & So? 'Cause he's my buddy, and he ain't gonna like you giving me a ticket." The officer said "I sure do; he's a jerk!"

Might have helped had the moron read the nameplate... and not dropped the officer's own name!

I play a game like that with people that claim to "know" the Sheriff. I tell them that people that really "know" him call him such and such. I have told the Sheriff of this and he always comments when someone comes and calls him by that name. That way he knows ahead of time someone is about to lay some bullshit story on him.

**MacLean** · #10 04-18-10, 11:05 PM

"You ain't coming into my house without a warrant!"

"Sir, someone in that house called 911 and said help, so unless you sound like a woman I am going in there to find out who it was and what they want with the police."

"Oh, so you're going to pull the patriot act on me, huh?"

(With straight face) "Yessir, I'm pulling the patriot act."

"Bastards, go ahead then."

My partner at the time who is now our traffic officer was trying his best not to pee his pants laughing.

**Five-0** · #11 04-18-10, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maclean

"You ain't coming into my house without a warrant!"

"Sir, someone in that house called 911 and said help, so unless you sound like a woman I am going in there to find out who it was and what they want with the police."

"Oh, so you're going to pull the patriot act on me, huh?"

(With straight face) "Yessir, I'm pulling the patriot act."

"Bastards, go ahead then."

My partner at the time who is now our traffic officer was trying his best not to pee his pants laughing.

If I was your partner I would have informed the guy that this was the recently legislated Roscoe P Coltrane Act.

**MacLean** · #12 04-18-10, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Five-0

If I was your partner I would have informed the guy that this was the recently legislated Roscoe P Coltrane Act.

It is a rare day indeed when you get to work with someone who can carry on the skit with you without having to plan it.

**sgtbear111** · #13 04-18-10, 11:50 PM

Stopped a guy at o'dark thirty out in the middle of no-where. He had a headlamp out. He had no ID said he left wallet at work getting off late swingshift. Sober, polite, etc. He hands me the reg and insurance card with "thats me". I ask his DOB, run a D/L and get valid. So I wrote him a "correction notice" for the light and D/L not in possession. showed it to him, and when he signs it he agrees to stop by our office with his copy and show an officer the fixed head-light and his D/L.

He signs with another name, his real name. I just opened his door "please step out" and made the arrest. The car belonged to a friend, as did the DOB. Hooked and booked: 1)False Info, 2) DWLS, 3) warrants.

**Five-0** · #14 04-18-10, 11:57 PM

LOL. To go along with Sgt's post.

I stop a car that has just left one of the local dope houses. Tell the guy why I stopped him and ask for the DL insurance ect. He has neither so I ask for his information and jot it down. Go back to the car run it. Guy comes back as deceased. Call for another unit and walk back up. As my back up gets there I ask him to step out, pat him down, and cuff him. He asks why and I reply, you are the first walking, talking, breathing dead man I've contacted so I have to cuff you check your pulse. He replies, "Is that standard procedure? I'm not even dead."

No shit Sherlock.

**Xiphos** · #15 04-19-10, 10:58 AM

Respond to vehicle vs deer crash. Deer is alive and injured, sitting in the middle of the road looking around.

A girl has stopped and is blocking the road so another car isn't going to hit the deer. I tell her to leave.

"You aren't going to put it out of its misery are you?"

**lewisipso** · #16 04-19-10, 12:07 PM

Followed a driver who was all over the road all the way to their destination where he proceeded to pass the up the gravel drive way. No problem. He turns into the front yard, bounces through a shallow ditch, barely misses two trees and lands in the driveway. When I questioned him about it he said he had been driving through the front yard that since he was 15. "It keeps the dust down."

**Cidp24** · #17 04-19-10, 12:52 PM

We had a name-dropper call in, raising cane about something or other. He threatened to call Chief XXXXX because they were "good friends", even said that he had talked to the Chief in the last week or so. Not an unusual occurrence huh?

The Police Chief to that he was referring to had been dead for about a year and a half.

**Bob Loblaw** · #18 04-19-10, 01:30 PM

A few years ago, I ended up with the standard "Dope in the pants pocket....'Those aren't my pants, i just threw 'em on' " type of deal. I asked him where he was coming from, and he said "Tony's house!" I asked why he was pantless inside Tony's house....he just looked at me in complete silence.

ME: "Do you understand what I asked you?"
HIM: "Uh...kind of."
ME: "So, if those really aren't your pants and you just threw on some random pair of pants when you left Tony's house, then why were you not wearing any pants inside Tony's house?"
HIM: "Well...uh...I....."
ME: "Yes?"
HIM: "Uh...you see...uh....we....uh......."
ME: "Yes???"
HIM: "We were just...uh.....SHIT. You got me. These are my pants. You got me with that, man...I'd rather go to jail than you think that me and Tony is banging each other. That's nasty."

**MacLean** · #19 04-19-10, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xiphos

Respond to vehicle vs deer crash. Deer is alive and injured, sitting in the middle of the road looking around.

A girl has stopped and is blocking the road so another car isn't going to hit the deer. I tell her to leave.

"You aren't going to put it out of its misery are you?"

I love those - around here some folks stop and ask if they can have the deer.

**lewisipso** · #20 04-19-10, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cidp24

We had a name-dropper call in, raising cane about something or other. He threatened to call Chief XXXXX because they were "good friends", even said that he had talked to the Chief in the last week or so. Not an unusual occurrence huh?

The Police Chief to that he was referring to had been dead for about a year and a half.

That happens here with those who wish to be in the click.
Them "Hey how's Sheriff Freddie?" "He's a good friend of mine."
Me "Dead."