One hell of a police report E-mail
Written by Jose Torres   

According to a recent article posted on, an amazing police report was making the rounds inside the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. The report, dated Friday, Dec. 14, includes an unusually descriptive account by Officer R.J. Reeves of a 911 call to a home in Jacksonville Heights.

The caller said a man injured himself in a fall and needed assistance.

According to the report:

"Upon arrival, I hastened to the front door of the Manufactured Home in an attempt to locate the injured person, all in hopes of providing assistance or at least some comfort in a potentially difficult and painful situation. As I made my swift trajectory out of my JSO patrol vehicle towards the front door, I was met by numerous individuals later identified as family and friends of the Victim, all bellowing, "He's in there officer!" and "Hurry, help -- he's in there!"

These "chants of concern" by loved ones, only fueled my already eager appetite to serve! I bounded up the small, wooden stairs, shot across the decking giving the appearance of winged flight!, and then rushed inside of the ManufacturedHome; darting and dashing around a Christmas tree and other festive holiday gayeties -- relentlessly reeling towards the kitchen."

The report goes on to describe the officer finding the victim "intoxicated, dancing and singing loudly off-key to the Dire Straits' song 'Money for Nothing.' The victim also refuses medical attention in the report's most alliterative moment: "After being repudiated, the puzzled paramedics packed up the paraphernalia ... and proceeded to part ways with the patient."

When asked about the style of the report and the writing skills of the author, JSO Public Information Officer Shannon Hartley chuckled.

"I can't really comment on his aspirations or intentions. But he did write the report in a very expressive manner using quite frankly jargon that appeared to be accurate and appropriate and very descriptive. He appears to have painted an appropriate picture of the incident."

First Coast News contacted Lawrence Johnson, the victim identified in the report.

He didn’t really want to be interviewed but he said the officer’s account was accurate.

"I was really drunk that night, I really was," Johnson confirmed.

After First Coast News requested the officer’s report, Officer Hartley indicated that the JSO had put a "DNR" hold on the document, meaning it will not be released until that hold is removed.

It wasn’t clear who issued the DNR or what they hoped to accomplish.

According to Florida Public Records law, the report is a public record unless the record's custodian can cite a specific exemption to Florida statues.

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