"I used to look dimly at people who were charged with sexual harassment until I became one".

There isn't a great amount of debate at the water cooler concerning the sexual harassment allegations filed against California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's an obviously open-and-shut case, isn't it? Famous, masculine, type-A male, and swooning, fearful female helpers. How could he not be guilty of it, and more? Like you, I used to look dimly upon people who were charged with or fired for sexual harassment. Until I became one.

I was fired from my position as a patrol supervisor with the Union County, Tennessee Sheriff's Office for exactly that – conduct unbecoming an officer, allegations of sexual harassment.

I used to feel about sexual harassers the same way you are feeling about me right now – righteous indignation, disdain. Shame on me. I obviously got what I deserved.

Or did I? I never dreamed I would become one of the thousands each year terminated for sexual harassment violations. In my defense, I didn't understand exactly what sexual harassment entailed. My department didn't offer awareness training on it.

I asked for a policy and procedure manual but never got one. I didn't think I needed it anyway.

I had zero intentions of asking anybody at work to sleep with me and I had no plans to make sexual jokes, or hang up any suggestive posters.

This is the reason why I am outing myself. Just being accused of sexual harassment has a chilling effect on a career.

Being fired due to sexual harassment can effectively end a livelihood and can thin any future job prospects.

Fighting an allegation is very expensive and time-consuming, and regardless of outcome, permanently tarnishes the accused's reputation. For men, sexual harassment is the new scarlet letter.

You may be asking yourself, "Shouldn't sexual harassers be fired?" Maybe. As I later learned, sexual harassment comes in many forms, some of which have nothing to do with sex. As part of my journey to post-incident understanding, I took an online course on sexual harassment. In my 12 years as a police officer, you'd think I would have a good understanding of what sexual harassment is and how to prevent it. But admittedly, I've been clueless. The course I took at www.newmedialearning.com/psh/rscc/choice.htm was developed by Roane State Community College, located in Harri-man, Tennessee. Deep in the heart of the Bible Belt, I felt that the course would be less biased than from an institution or company in a more liberal setting.

After graduating the course with a final test score of 100 percent, I feel I know less about sexual harassment now than I ever did before. This is not the fault of the course by any means; the training was very clear and in a format that was replete with examples and presented in an unbiased, straightforward manner. It is because I feel that the world has somehow moved on without me. I now feel alienated, alone, and discouraged, the exact feelings the sexual harassment laws were crafted to extinguish.

Maybe I am alone in my thinking, or worse, my thinking is the same as the stereotypes I used to think were responsible for sexually harassing behavior.

Let me share with you what I have learned, and you be the judge. If you attempt to look up what I am about to lay out for you in your trusty copy of the US Current Federal Regulations or any other law book, let me save you some time; it's not in there. The law doesn't state specifically what sexual harassment is. The current guidelines are actually developed from court cases. Yes, normally, laws are created by the legislative branch, enforced by the executive branch, and violations determined by the judicial branch. But, in this instance, the powers that be took the law of sexual harassment under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, and through expanding the outcomes of one court case upon another, made sexual harassment law what it is today.

So then, what is the definition of sexual harassment? In its most basic form, sexual harassment is any conduct of an unwelcome nature that unreasonably offends others, creating a hostile work environment. If you're having a little trouble processing that, don't feel bad. I've wrestled with it for months, and still don't quite get it. So, let me give you a little more detail.

Sexual harassment comes in two forms; quid pro quo, and hostile work environment. Quid pro quo is a 50-cent legal term that means this for that. That's the kind of sexual harassment where the boss passes over an employee for promotion because they rebuff their romantic advances. I don't know of anyone who would disagree that this type of behavior is reprehensible and that this part of the law is a good one. Just as if the reason an employee was held back was because of a protected status, like race or religion. These are indefensible actions and should be punished when they occur.

The second type is called hostile work environment. This part of the law is gray. This is where the conduct of an unwelcome nature that unreasonably offends others comes in. For instance, if there is an overweight person in your midst, and you constantly make fat jokes, you are in violation of the sexual harassment law.

Even though taunting an overweight person has nothing to do with sex, it still isn't nice, and you shouldn't be picking on fat people, anyway. However, this concept has been expanded to include the following examples.  If you are playing sports and are walking around naked in the locker room, and it offends somebody, male or female, you are in violation.

If you have a calendar of women in risqué poses in your auto repair shop and a visitor walks in and is offended, you are in violation. If you engage in welcomed conduct towards another employee that does not offend that employee, but does offend another, that's sexual harassment. Or, like in my case, you are in a booking area and a dispatcher in another area overhears you use an adult word, you are in violation. Notice I never said repeated. According to the school, the offense could only occur once, but be of such gravity to be considered sexual harassment.

So, what exactly does unwelcome conduct entail? According to the training I took, only the victim will know. Unfortunately, because the majority of us can't get inside the heads of the easily-offended, they have thoughtfully provided a standard for us. It's called the "reasonable woman" standard. I quote from the course: "...the term 'mild' is an opinion that is subject to interpretation by a 'reasonable woman.'" If the standard proves to be too nebulous for you to follow, they also provide a new principle, called the New Golden Rule. It goes like this; "Treat others as they would have you treat them."

How in the hell is a person supposed to determine that? I was really good with the original version – "Treat others as you would want to be treated." I know how I would like to be treated; with respect, and some dignity.  But apparently this no longer cuts the mustard.

This new way of thinking has me deeply troubled. How can I determine how others would like to be treated?

Unfortunately, the answers don't seem to be coming as easily as the questions.

Shawn Hughes is an expert on CBIRNE Operations and Hazardous Device Disposal. He was a 12-year veteran police officer and has served with distinction for several law enforcement agencies. In addition, he teaches and lectures, has written for a dozen national magazines, and has a book out.

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